So, many things have been happening to me within the first few days of the year 2011 itself. I went from a blessed life on new year eve to a life that was sent from hell in the first week of the new year. For one or two friends, you might have a rough idea of what i am talking about. It was much worse, really. But if i want to see this optimistically, i guess everything that has happened is just helping me to realise Resolution No. 2.
From that one week of misery, where i almost lived the full-time life of a zombie that had just re-lived from the dead, i learnt an incredibly important lesson that i believe will be very valuable for the time when he goes abroad. It is also something i would like to impart to all those girls out there who have boyfriends who love them but cant help feeling that the grass is always greener on the other side.
I am not saying that i am a totally-changed person now, neither am i saying that nothing has changed. No doubt, the past week was hell-sent! Please dont ever let me go through that again.. However, it did make me think through everything that has happened to us in the past few years we have been together.
And yes, i am confessing now.
You are not a perfect person. Sometimes, you forget to message me goodnight and sweet dreams before going to bed. You come at 11am when you promised to arrive at 10.15am. You get upset with me when i start to cry. You dont post sweet things on my Facebook wall when you know it would mean a lot to me. You dont show your affection for me in front of your pals. You are always soiling my bed with your dirty jeans. And yes, you are such a car junkie. An impatient, hot-blooded one, to add!
But I am not a perfect person, either. I sensitise over everything you say, or don't say. I get impatient when you are late by just one minute. I cry over the slightest things. Sometimes, I expect more than you can give at a point of time. I throw a tantrum when i don't get my way. I dream of a Prince to sweep me off my feet when i ain't a Princess.
The two things about humans and relationships is one, humans, in general, normally seem to think that what others have is better than what they have. We go about life, pursuing for more and more of something that we desire -always thinking that others have more of what we want or need. In other words, we are never easily satisfied with what we have. Second, we usually take the things closest to our hearts for granted. From parents, siblings, grandparents, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend, and no doubt, best friends. It's funny that here are the people we care about most, but are the ones we normally deprive of our true love and attention.
What i would like to say here is that, very often, we tend to forget or neglect our loved ones. Like the time i didnt realise how much it means that you can hold my hand without me asking you to, or when you stroke my hair, looking at me lovingly, or when you offer to carry my things when you know i am not feeling well, or when you dont force me to go somewhere just because i dont want to. The times when i complain i am getting fatter and you tell me i am still beautiful, or when we can have a great time talking about the future, OUR future together. I never realised how invaluable the moments are when you can pop over to my house simply to check if i had a good day, or called me to see if i have recovered from my stomach cramp. Like when you can look into my eyes and say "I love you" or when we went to Petaling Street and you produced a small bouquet of one single rose (and to think i was upset with you for being late.) Or when you let me go out with a bunch of guy friends and trust me whole-heartedly. The time when i came back from matriculation by train and you greeted me at KL Central with apam balik. When i am sobbing hysterically because Metta got injured/i had a row with my parents/etc. and you comfort me although we ourselves had just quarreled over something else. When i can laugh with you over something we share in common.
Some of these things may be cliche but the truth is, these things cannot be counted by money, time, nor words. Memories. Countless, invaluable memories. These can only be weighed by the amount of love and thought from the giver to the receiver; from the one who loves you.
It took me last week to make me realise..
Even if he can post 100 "I love you" messages on your FB wall or show everybody your couple pictures, it doesnt really mean anything if it didn't come with any thought, for you. Undeniably, it would be a bonus that he could get those roses or chocolates, (Gosh, almost any girl would love their boyfriends to spoil them with surprises!) but the point i am trying to get across here is that he must do it for you, with love.
To all those girls out there, that have encountered what i have went through, you will know what i am writing about when you read this. And know that, no matter how disappointed you are with your guy for something he did or didnt do, always remember that the most important thing is he loves you. That at the end of the day, you know that he will always be there for you. That he will love you till your last breath, and only want the best for you.
It's not to say that after this post, my relationship would be quarrel-free. But at least, what i hope is that after my first lesson of 2011, the quarrels we have in future would be ones that would help develop and flourish our relationship.
I guess when it comes to guys, the phrase, "actions speak louder than words", really does apply.
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