Quick Farewell

A short post before tomorrow begins. It would be a frantic morning of rushing through my Land notes, making sure the last of my things are packed and ready in my bag, before facing the much awaited Land law exam. It will be the last paper and everyone will be going out to celebrate after that. Well, it would be a quick celebration for me, before rushing off to the airport and making my way to Guangzhou, China. I have heard too many things about that place, and to be frank I really do not know what to expect. Tonight, I feel the jitterbugs. Exams is one thing, going away to a foreign country that doesnt speak my language for almost three weeks is another.

If Blogger is allowed in China, I will continue to update on my food (mis)adventures over there. Well, Facebook and Twitter are for sure not allowed so goodbye to those..

Fear is what eludes me right now. But fear is just an elusion. Just a psychological defence mechanism within my mind. And if I play smart, I can outbeat that fear and yet, at the same time enjoy every bit of my life. This doesnt just apply to my exams, nor the trip that begins tomorrow. There is another part of me that needs to overcome fear. And it is, always easier said than done. Anyways, here's to a fun vacation.

Till then. 

Blogging has often been something that comes naturally to me. I feel, I think, and then I put them out in words. Simple.

But with this entry, I find myself struggling to find the right words to express myself. When you are overwhelmed with emotions, sometimes you realise that no words can do justice to your thoughts and feelings. This entry is probably one of those instances.

More than one year ago, I blogged about how fairy tales give us blind faith. I was left broken, because the one person I did love did not believe that things were working out. I didnt realise that we had been quarelling almost every other day for about a year before things had eventually ended. As naive as it sounds, I believed that he would always be there for me, simply because he always had been. But when he left, I felt like a little girl lost in the forest, all alone. I was on my own.

It has been some time since that day. The past week.. if I may say, has been somewhat surreal. It has been everything I could ever have dreamed of in a happy dream. And in fact, much more. It almost feels like how it used to be, when we had first fell in love, so many years ago. And unlike how things were like when we ended, I no longer take the things he does for me for granted. Every single thing he does for me, is something that makes my day that much better. We talk easy, just like how we used to. It no longer feels like a one-sided thing that I had been pursuing for the past one year. I feel happy, I feel wanted, I feel loved, in his presence. And that is all I could ever ask for.

And though I say this is a dream, I hope that I will never have to wake up from this dream. I cant deny, I am afraid..

[Edited]
But whatever it is, I will just let things take it's course. This, after all, has never really been in my hands. 

I am grateful for the changes that has happened in the past two days. Though it is too soon to say that I am rejoicing over it, but it is the little efforts like these that truly lights up my days (and my nights). I have been through this before and have come out hurt. So I will proceed with baby steps, and as minimal as expectations can get. But whatever it is, I want you to know that I am happy.

Early 21

Another year has almost passed and this time, I am celebrating my 21st. I still remember being eight wondering how long it would actually take before I would turn 12 (because my dad promised to reveal his magic secret when I am 12). Fast-forward a decade plus later, and all of a sudden 12 is like.. meh.

My birthday this year (in)conveniently falls at a rather peculiar time.. what with my dad being away, me having exams during that period, and right after my exams, I will be whisked off to China for almost a month! So my family didnt really have much choice but to give me a birthday dinner TWO WEEKS in advance. But it was, nevertheless, a touching and happy dinner tonight.

Mom planned it at Chilli's, Bangsar. Was looking forward to seeing the German Shepherd that normally does its rounds there at night but unfortunately tonight, I didnt get a chance to even catch a glimpse of it. 

Going back to the dinner, I felt very blessed spending dinner at a posh restaurant with my family and everyone giving me their own little memorabilia for my 21st. My mom and dad got me a necklace weeks back AND an iPhone 4 today. Grandma and second aunt gave me angpaos while first aunt got me TWO sets of earrings. Something I actually wanted but did not have the heart to say it out. I was honestly very very happy to receive her gift as I dont normally get pretty earrings. 

Having said all that, more than anything else, I feel really grateful to have my mom and dad. They have raised me thus far to be the person that I am today. I am no perfect being, but I am aware of that, and that is one step closer to working to be the best person I can ever be. There are still a lot of things I need to work on about myself.. and I wish my parents knew how much I appreciate them for being patient and tolerant with me. I take them for granted so very often, and they still forgive and love me just the same. 

My aunts, my grandma and my brother are equally appreciated for being there to celebrate my 21st tonight. 

I still remember my brother being an ass, a thorn under my skin, back when we were kids. Looking back now, I am beginning to be grateful for having a brother like him. Though we may not like the same type of foods, and we do get jealous at what the other gets, he is still my brother and nothing can change that. We were raised in the same house by the same parents in somewhat the same manner for 18 years and it is no surprise that we have so much similar thoughts and views. Although we dont talk much because of our own 'busy' lives, but when we do talk, I know my brother is someone that I can count on and understand me. 

I admit.. there is a part of me that feels missing, but really.. I cant ask for more. 

And here's to being an adult. Like finally.