Boyfriend is changing job, and he thinks that it is better for him to move to a place closer to his workplace (which happens to be much much further than travelling from PJ to SJ).
To begin with, I have nothing against him changing jobs. Just like how I would like him to be there for me, supporting me if one day I decide to chase my dreams, I would do the same for him. I want him to be happy in his chosen career just as much as I want a satisfying job for myself too. So there is no question of stopping him if he wants to change his job, even if it involves somewhere far off.
But it goes to the next point - how far is far enough for you to move? Presently, it takes him about 20 minutes to get to my place on average. We see each other during the weekends and spend loads of time together then. But occasionally when either of us are free, we would pop over at each other's place during the weekdays, simply to spend a wee bit more time together. I wouldnt say that the hours, minutes and seconds spent is much; but to be honest, each time he drops by for no particular reason than to be with me, it is a nice touching effort, and it does push things forward in our relationship.
The flexibility of his present (soon to be past) job did help too. He would drop by my place if he has work to settle around the area, or catch Friday lunch with me, simply because he has a long lunch hour.
Like I said, these things are not compulsory for him, and yet he does it. And it is because they are voluntary and non-obliging that makes those efforts touching and meaningful.
Maybe it is because of that I fear even more. I wonder if things have been so good that I will not be prepared for any challenges thrown our way. I think about his future (soon to be present) job; I think about the inflexibility of surprising each other on weekdays; I think of his new housemate; I think of my new life beginning in a few months. And all of a sudden, I realise there are so many uncertainties I am not sure I am ready to handle.
In a way, it reminds me of 1 April 2011. Definitely wasnt a day for jokes for me. And neither will 1 April 2014 be.
Communication will always be important to me. And for him, I guess it would be important if I can be as understanding as can be.
I will not deflect the credit I should give to him for everything he is to me so far. Ultimately, what I am trying to say is I am afraid. I know no two relationships are and ever will be the same. But what I have learnt from my past is that nothing is permanent. A person can make all the promises he/she wants in the world, but they can still be broken in the end.
Secondly, feelings are an accumulation of events being translated into an emotion. You may love a person with all your heart but when that person keeps hurting you, keeps disappointing you, and not treating you with respect, the colour of your heart fades and eventually one day, you will wonder if your heart is still a heart. I took the hard way to understand this. Because I could not see it. And it cost me a friendship, love and 4 years of a good thing to wake me up. I hope I would never do the same to you, and neither would you do the same to me too.
I do not want to ask anything more of you. You are already such a good boyfriend. You have already given me everything that I need and more. You are a great listener, a fast learner. You make jokes to cheer me up when I am down. You dont make promises, probably because you know promises can be broken just as easily as they are made. More importantly, you show your care and love through your actions. And I appreciate all that.
But it doesnt stop me from fretting, from worrying, from over-thinking.
When we started, I told myself not to get myself emotionally attached to you, to anyone. It is only when I stepped into this relationship that I realised getting emotionally attached is inevitably unavoidable. That if you start to fall for someone, you are already getting yourself entwined with their life. And once you are already steady, it is only natural that the involvement, both emotionally and physically, will increase. And perhaps, I shall resign myself to the next best thing I can do which is to know the boundaries of my feelings.
My writing is rusty but at least I feel better tonight. Also grateful the rain has returned. And constantly grateful I have you and my mom in my life. Can only hope for the best, remain positive and continue to appreciate every moment spent with you.
Till then.
To begin with, I have nothing against him changing jobs. Just like how I would like him to be there for me, supporting me if one day I decide to chase my dreams, I would do the same for him. I want him to be happy in his chosen career just as much as I want a satisfying job for myself too. So there is no question of stopping him if he wants to change his job, even if it involves somewhere far off.
But it goes to the next point - how far is far enough for you to move? Presently, it takes him about 20 minutes to get to my place on average. We see each other during the weekends and spend loads of time together then. But occasionally when either of us are free, we would pop over at each other's place during the weekdays, simply to spend a wee bit more time together. I wouldnt say that the hours, minutes and seconds spent is much; but to be honest, each time he drops by for no particular reason than to be with me, it is a nice touching effort, and it does push things forward in our relationship.
The flexibility of his present (soon to be past) job did help too. He would drop by my place if he has work to settle around the area, or catch Friday lunch with me, simply because he has a long lunch hour.
Like I said, these things are not compulsory for him, and yet he does it. And it is because they are voluntary and non-obliging that makes those efforts touching and meaningful.
Maybe it is because of that I fear even more. I wonder if things have been so good that I will not be prepared for any challenges thrown our way. I think about his future (soon to be present) job; I think about the inflexibility of surprising each other on weekdays; I think of his new housemate; I think of my new life beginning in a few months. And all of a sudden, I realise there are so many uncertainties I am not sure I am ready to handle.
In a way, it reminds me of 1 April 2011. Definitely wasnt a day for jokes for me. And neither will 1 April 2014 be.
Communication will always be important to me. And for him, I guess it would be important if I can be as understanding as can be.
I will not deflect the credit I should give to him for everything he is to me so far. Ultimately, what I am trying to say is I am afraid. I know no two relationships are and ever will be the same. But what I have learnt from my past is that nothing is permanent. A person can make all the promises he/she wants in the world, but they can still be broken in the end.
Secondly, feelings are an accumulation of events being translated into an emotion. You may love a person with all your heart but when that person keeps hurting you, keeps disappointing you, and not treating you with respect, the colour of your heart fades and eventually one day, you will wonder if your heart is still a heart. I took the hard way to understand this. Because I could not see it. And it cost me a friendship, love and 4 years of a good thing to wake me up. I hope I would never do the same to you, and neither would you do the same to me too.
I do not want to ask anything more of you. You are already such a good boyfriend. You have already given me everything that I need and more. You are a great listener, a fast learner. You make jokes to cheer me up when I am down. You dont make promises, probably because you know promises can be broken just as easily as they are made. More importantly, you show your care and love through your actions. And I appreciate all that.
But it doesnt stop me from fretting, from worrying, from over-thinking.
When we started, I told myself not to get myself emotionally attached to you, to anyone. It is only when I stepped into this relationship that I realised getting emotionally attached is inevitably unavoidable. That if you start to fall for someone, you are already getting yourself entwined with their life. And once you are already steady, it is only natural that the involvement, both emotionally and physically, will increase. And perhaps, I shall resign myself to the next best thing I can do which is to know the boundaries of my feelings.
My writing is rusty but at least I feel better tonight. Also grateful the rain has returned. And constantly grateful I have you and my mom in my life. Can only hope for the best, remain positive and continue to appreciate every moment spent with you.
Till then.
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