How Deep is Your Love?

I never used to have any doubts in our r/s before. In the first few months, the first year, i always knew you loved me, with all your heart and soul. But as time goes by, your attitude and you actions seems to show otherwise. I hate it that i am writing it down here but how else do i tell you? These days, i am the only one who calls, the first one to msg, very often, we only go out because of my insistence or the sacrifice on my part. It hurts me that when i hang up the phone, i no longer can expect anyone to call back. Worse still, that very same person who used to actually call back now just turns off the phone and goes back to sleep. Obviously, my suffering means nothing to your sleep.

For the past few days, even today, as the days come closer to the exams, i feel extremely stressed. Do you know how it feels? I guess not. Law is not as easy as a subject as it may seem. It is not just memorising facts. I wish it was, my life would be much easier then. I feel pressured to score As in the exam but guess what? I already know that an A for tort is already almost near impossible. After all, 70% goes to the exam and i have 11/30 from the continuous assessment. Tell me, with that kind of results, what can i expect from the exam? How am i supposed to get my 3.5? At the least, will i even pass?????

The other subjects are no better. Each subject proves to be just as discerning as the other. Law and society, contract, legal methods, even islamic. My heart aches just at the thought of each subject. I hate to admit this, but i cant seem to cope. I see everyone, so focused on studying. I get scared, worried - am i doing enough? But i cant seem to study. My mind is frozen and it doesnt seem to work.

The past few days, i try to stay up a little later, try to do a little more reading.. but the next day when wake up, i just dread how the day will unfold. Because i know it will be another day of trying to force unliquified facts into my head. Solid, hard facts that cannot be taken in any other way. I feel terrified. Terrified for the exam and i dread each day there is to come.

I have always been the worry-wart when it comes to exams. Scared that i wouldnt have time to finish studying, afraid i have nothing to wirte in the exam. etc. At least, last time, i could do it. I scored my As despite my insecurities. But right now, my fears are more real than ever. The inevitable fact, i did fail my tort test. While everyone were scoring 16, 21 over 25... i got a measly 7.5! And i DID study. I am not afraid of the shame... but i am just disappointed. Plain disappointed with myself. I cant believe those marks belong to me. If i didnt study and got those marks, there is no one to blame but myself. But i did! And i dont know what i did that went wrong.

And it hurts that you are so unsupportive. At the time when i need you most, you turn your back on me. When i need a shoulder to cry on, there isnt anyone. All i can do is just drench my bolster in tears and tell myself to stop crying. But i guess it never works, eh? Coz i still do.. Maybe you really arent the same person anymore. For now, maybe i can just choose to oversee it, but if this continues, i really dunno what to do further. Because the person i fell for, he would have understood, he wouldnt have went back to sleep when i was on the verge of crying. More importantly, he would have cared.