Not Your Average Girl

I am not your average girl.

I guess i have always known that. Well, before you start forming your own presumptions...

My life has always been a competition for me. When i was as young as i could remember, I would compete with my new born baby brother for my parents' love. I was just a small kid, i didnt realise that.. a parent's love for their children is inexhaustible. Then, as i got older, i competed with everyone for everything. For the glory of being number one in a race, for winning in a fight that i started, for being the top in my class, everything was always a competition, a duel to win. Somehow, i could not let anyone beat me to my aim. I had to be the best, no compromise. I guess that's why i ended up with slightly more of everything than any girl. Most teachers adored me in high school, students admired me for my capability.

Now, i am 19 years old.

I am slightly taller than the average girl, but not the tallest,

slightly brighter, but not the brightest of course,

slightly better in anything i try than the average girl,

slightly better in sports,

slightly braver,

slightly more outgoing,

But the truth is, i am not much different from any other girl. If it's anything, i guess i am pretty worse off.

On the exterior, i might look like a strong bright girl with a great future ahead. Scholarship in hand, loving family on the other hand to back me off if anything goes wrong.

But the truth is, i am not as strong as i appear to be. Like a rose petal, so beautiful and elegant, it can tear into pieces just with a slight touch. Yes, that is how fragile i am inside. I hate to admit this, but i am just like a time bomb, ready to tick off at any moment. I am like the crab with the hard shell to protect it from all the pains in the world. But you see, if you crack the shell away, all you find is really... really, a pitiful little soul that has barely anything to live up to. This crab, is just living on a strong exterior, but is ready to be crushed at anytime. I am like the porcelain vase on the tea table, ready to fall off the table when some clumsy child bumps into the table. I am far more vulnerable than the stray puppy you see whimpering for it's mother on the side of the road.

Yes, i am no better than the stray puppy, the tough crab, the threatening time bomb nor am i better off than the rose petal. I can be like any of these things at it's very most pitiful, strong, intimidating, or fragile moment, but the truth is, i am just far off worse than any of them combined together.

I tear at the thought of a moment,

I break down,

I hurt,

just so easily. And the thing is, no one can help me. Not even myself. I failed multiple times.

When i was little, i used to wish for things like getting a puppy, or scoring straight As in my exam. As i got slightly older, i prayed that i could find love, and of course still the straight As. But if i were to be given a wish right now, all i could really ask for is to have a strong heart so i can brave through the toughest moments with less difficulty. So that i dun have to be the weak little girl sobbing on her bed, crying away her worries. Because now, i truly realise who are the most blessed people in this world. They are not the richest, nor are they the most beautiful or most intelligent and successful. In my opinion, the most lucky people in this world are the people who are strong enough to face their life and the challenges life throws at them with strength and courage, and not needing to shed a tear. These are the most fortunate people. Yes, indeed.