Goodbye

No, not to Metta. He's improving with leaps and bounds.

But this goodbye is still, nevertheless, dedicated to someone out there. Someone who knows a lot about me, whom has seen the best and worst of me over the past five years, and have still stuck with me. But perhaps, every relationship has to run it's course, and this one too, shall I need to bid farewell.

It's sad that you can just walk away like that. I'm sorry I had to make you choose - to leave or to stay. I knew you would choose to leave. But even then, it isnt entirely easy for me to accept it.

My heart today, is stronger than it ever was. Tonight, I can take it. I shed my tears, but I will not weep. The past few months have built me to be a stronger person. I no longer need you to be by my side, no longer need you when I am sad or angry, nor do I tell you when I am very happy. The thought pops in my head to call you so very often, but the urge isnt as strong as it used to be. I guess slowly, I am weaning myself off you. And I step back to realise that after all these months, though I messed-up in the past, I have done all I could to make up for things. And if it isnt enough, I have no one to blame. No one, even me nor you. But that doesnt mean my heart is invincible. I will still cry, I will continue to feel jealous each time I see a picture of you with another girl, I will still feel anger if i feel cheated of my feelings - just like you. But with time, hopefully, my strength will grow. And with time, everything will eventually heal.

Guess I wouldnt be getting any more Skype calls from you anymore, nor will I hear from you. I am afraid of what the future holds, without you in it with me, because the only future I have ever envisioned was the one with you, and Thomas and Alyssa. A part of me is still unwilling to let this all go. But most of me believe that this is for the better. I cannot continue to allow myself to get hurt time and time again. No matter what you say, no matter what your excuse is, the only excuse I will believe is that your feelings for me has changed, and that isnt as much as it used to be. Because the guy that promised me that he would marry me in 10 years time at the age of 16, the guy that ensured me after every fight, the guy who resisted his parents' objections to be with me, the guy who asked me whether I would wait for him, the guy that wrote me all those long messages, and called me to settle our quarrels through the night, would NEVER have imagined that our relationship would end because of long-distance. So dont lie to me and dont lie to yourself!!!

It's already been dragging on for almost a year. I can always wait for the one I love, but if he cannot show the same, it often makes the most sane of person wonder if it is worthwhile.

Just like how I will always be special to you, you will always be special to me. But maybe, this is the end of our story. I do not wish it to be, but you leave me no choice.

Adieu mon amour.