Having read about how Sumiko Tan, newspaper columnist and editor, wedded her junior-college crush at the age of 40 something, I really couldnt resist blogging my thoughts about the ever so debatable topic of whether we should wait for Mr Right to come or to just grab anyone who comes along and pray he turns out to be a good family man. Sumiko met him when she was just 16, in junior-college. He got married to someone else, divorced 14 years later with one child, they meet again, fall in love, and marry. If there is any other more beautiful way a love story should unfold, this would be one of those few. Waiting for THE right one, only to settle down, and not just accepting any Mr. Alright that comes along.
But how certain can you be that these endings do happen, ALL the time. Maybe it was Sumiko's fate to really end up with her junior-college crush. Fated that he was supposed to divorce his ex-wife and to end up with Sumiko instead. But what if he NEVER divorced? What if they never met again? Would Sumiko still remain single and available now? FYI, although Sumiko may look youthful and pretty despite her age(yes, looks are deceiving!), she was already 46 when she finally wedded him!!! It would have meant that she was kinda prepared to not marry for the rest of her life.
In fact, at one time, this is what she wrote: (something almost every single girl can relate to)
“Again, it’s not that I look on enviously at couples. I really don’t. I’m happy with my life. But once in a while, it hits me that maybe there’s something wrong with me. It doesn’t matter how I love my single life. It doesn’t matter that I have all the personal space in the world. It doesn’t matter what I’ve achieved in my career. It doesn’t matter how I know it’s better to be alone than to be alone in a marriage. It doesn’t matter that I’ve seen how marriage isn’t a binding contract or a guarantee of a happy-ever-after. It doesn’t matter how many boyfriends I’ve had or might have. It doesn’t matter if there are men who care for my well-being. The fact remains that I am not married, and I say this not in a self-pitying way but as an acknowledgment of a, to me, puzzling fact. And the fact remains that no one has been mad enough about me – and I for him – for us to embark on a journey together. The fact remains that no matter how fun singlehood is, there are nights when I lie in my nice big bed all by my lonesome self (well, actually my dog sleeps with me), and think: Is there something wrong with me? Is this all there is to life? Why aren’t I married? Am I not good enough? Am I not lovable enough? Am I not capable of loving deeply and permanently? Have I been too fussy? Do I have bad karma? Don’t I deserve more? My mother was married, my sister is married, Michelle Obama is married, the woman who cleans the office pantry is married, so many ‘normal’ women are married, why not me? Have I failed as a woman? Am I inadequate?”
As mentioned by one of the bloggers, Sumiko did write a lot about old age and loneliness throughout her stint as a columnist. Finally meeting THE ONE for her was like a bonus. Something she never expected to happen.
I would like to know.. how many people would actually wait for the right one only to settle down.
Would you accept any Tom, Dick or Harry just so you can escape the ever so scary social stigma of being labelled SINGLE and UNMARRIED at mid-life? Would you still wait for someone even if he has settled down? Would you still continue to wait for someone if he says that all he needs is time?
Good guys can turn bad. And likewise, the jerks can turn out to be one of the best people you have ever met (of course that is if he attempts to be a better person!). We dont really know how our life will turn out, dont know who we will be with, dont know who we really love, until.. it happens.
Standing at a crossroad, I realise that I have two options. To stay or to walk away. But I will never know the story of the other when I walk down the path of one.
I feel happy for Sumiko, that she finally found the one who she felt was worthwhile marrying to. I can imagine that feeling. It is beyond bliss. And perhaps, that hope of experiencing that feeling is the one thing that keeps everyone holding on.. waiting for Mr Right to appear, even when there are so many Mr Alrights around.
As for me, this topic will never end, not until I get my happy ending. It's just that stories like how Sumiko and Hurricane end up together after so many years, well.. are just too motivating to not share.
On a separate note, the phonecall was really like a dream.
But how certain can you be that these endings do happen, ALL the time. Maybe it was Sumiko's fate to really end up with her junior-college crush. Fated that he was supposed to divorce his ex-wife and to end up with Sumiko instead. But what if he NEVER divorced? What if they never met again? Would Sumiko still remain single and available now? FYI, although Sumiko may look youthful and pretty despite her age(yes, looks are deceiving!), she was already 46 when she finally wedded him!!! It would have meant that she was kinda prepared to not marry for the rest of her life.
In fact, at one time, this is what she wrote: (something almost every single girl can relate to)
“Again, it’s not that I look on enviously at couples. I really don’t. I’m happy with my life. But once in a while, it hits me that maybe there’s something wrong with me. It doesn’t matter how I love my single life. It doesn’t matter that I have all the personal space in the world. It doesn’t matter what I’ve achieved in my career. It doesn’t matter how I know it’s better to be alone than to be alone in a marriage. It doesn’t matter that I’ve seen how marriage isn’t a binding contract or a guarantee of a happy-ever-after. It doesn’t matter how many boyfriends I’ve had or might have. It doesn’t matter if there are men who care for my well-being. The fact remains that I am not married, and I say this not in a self-pitying way but as an acknowledgment of a, to me, puzzling fact. And the fact remains that no one has been mad enough about me – and I for him – for us to embark on a journey together. The fact remains that no matter how fun singlehood is, there are nights when I lie in my nice big bed all by my lonesome self (well, actually my dog sleeps with me), and think: Is there something wrong with me? Is this all there is to life? Why aren’t I married? Am I not good enough? Am I not lovable enough? Am I not capable of loving deeply and permanently? Have I been too fussy? Do I have bad karma? Don’t I deserve more? My mother was married, my sister is married, Michelle Obama is married, the woman who cleans the office pantry is married, so many ‘normal’ women are married, why not me? Have I failed as a woman? Am I inadequate?”
As mentioned by one of the bloggers, Sumiko did write a lot about old age and loneliness throughout her stint as a columnist. Finally meeting THE ONE for her was like a bonus. Something she never expected to happen.
I would like to know.. how many people would actually wait for the right one only to settle down.
Would you accept any Tom, Dick or Harry just so you can escape the ever so scary social stigma of being labelled SINGLE and UNMARRIED at mid-life? Would you still wait for someone even if he has settled down? Would you still continue to wait for someone if he says that all he needs is time?
Good guys can turn bad. And likewise, the jerks can turn out to be one of the best people you have ever met (of course that is if he attempts to be a better person!). We dont really know how our life will turn out, dont know who we will be with, dont know who we really love, until.. it happens.
Standing at a crossroad, I realise that I have two options. To stay or to walk away. But I will never know the story of the other when I walk down the path of one.
I feel happy for Sumiko, that she finally found the one who she felt was worthwhile marrying to. I can imagine that feeling. It is beyond bliss. And perhaps, that hope of experiencing that feeling is the one thing that keeps everyone holding on.. waiting for Mr Right to appear, even when there are so many Mr Alrights around.
As for me, this topic will never end, not until I get my happy ending. It's just that stories like how Sumiko and Hurricane end up together after so many years, well.. are just too motivating to not share.
On a separate note, the phonecall was really like a dream.
I just have one question for you, how do you differentiate between Mr. Right and Mr. Alright?
ReplyDeleteI will reply this question in a future blog entry if you dont mind. It wouldnt do justice to describe the right person in just a few sentences. But I promise it will be soon!
ReplyDelete