A reader asked me how I would differentiate Mr Right from Mr Alright.
Upon reading that question, I imagined that it would be very easy for me to answer. After all, I always blog about relationships, always harp about true love and never fail to talk about finding the right one. But one sentence later, I found myself typing and backspacing. Not really knowing how to explain who is Mr Right.
I realised after a few moments that I couldnt really paint out a picture of who he is. Everybody would have their own definition.. and in this entry, I will tell you about mine. But.. I cant tell you what he looks like, what his hobby is, where he lives, how he dresses, and what his life goals are. I cant tell you that I only fall for a certain type of guy. Nor can I say that Mr Right is the ultimate guy that fulfills all the requirements in my checklist. I wanted to say that it is about the feeling - that if it feels right, then he probably is right. But I held back from saying that as well, because even lust can feel right, at the beginning.
So, to reply your question, I can only say that Mr Right is not Mr Alright simply because he stands out from the others. Maybe it's the way he shrugs his shoulder when he replies a question, or the way he expresses himself in words. It could be the way he responds to the things that you say. Or even the things he does not say. Whatever it is, you feel drawn by his presence. You look forward to every second that you spend with him, even if it is to do the most mundane of things. You find yourself laughing, simply from being in his presence. And you smile foolishly to yourself when you recall the happy times spent with him. You seek his company because you know that every encounter will be as fulfilling as the previous one.
Actions and the conduct of a person often reveals much about a person, even if not all. From his actions, if he is someone you can trust and depend on, it becomes an additional point. If he is someone who treats people with respect, not just the person he is after, but to everyone around him, he becomes that much more attractive. If he has an eye for romance and spontaneity, who can resist?
Another thing I feel is somewhat necessary is the meeting of the minds. Although people do say that opposites attract, personally I prefer to believe that we can only sustain a relationship if both parties hold onto similar values and were raised in similar family backgrounds. True, there are many successful marriages and relationships out there which thrive on the uniqueness and differences between the two parties.. I do not and will never doubt the authenticity of such relationships. But I still stand firm to my ground that for a relationship to work, both parties must believe in the same things. For me, honesty and responsibility are important qualities. I can tolerate other weaknesses but if my significant other ever abuses my trust, I am not sure if things can ever work out from there. So if I ever do find someone, it would probably be someone who hold onto similar values as me.
And even having said all that, these things might not be enough. Because more importantly, the feeling must be mutual. *common sense much* Love.. well, it can only develop with time, can only be proven with time. And one thing I would like to add, there's no point saying I've found THE ONE if he isnt even aware of my feelings or worse still, doesnt appreciate my feelings for him, correct? ;)
So basically this sums up what I feel would make the guy of my dreams stand out from the rest. I have been told that my 'requirements' will probably eliminate 99.99% of the male population, or something like that. (And that would make me a delusional, weird, and demented spinster in my old days.) But maybe that is what makes the special one, special. Because he cannot simply be replaced.
But of course, these thoughts.. it might change with time, it might not.
Upon reading that question, I imagined that it would be very easy for me to answer. After all, I always blog about relationships, always harp about true love and never fail to talk about finding the right one. But one sentence later, I found myself typing and backspacing. Not really knowing how to explain who is Mr Right.
I realised after a few moments that I couldnt really paint out a picture of who he is. Everybody would have their own definition.. and in this entry, I will tell you about mine. But.. I cant tell you what he looks like, what his hobby is, where he lives, how he dresses, and what his life goals are. I cant tell you that I only fall for a certain type of guy. Nor can I say that Mr Right is the ultimate guy that fulfills all the requirements in my checklist. I wanted to say that it is about the feeling - that if it feels right, then he probably is right. But I held back from saying that as well, because even lust can feel right, at the beginning.
So, to reply your question, I can only say that Mr Right is not Mr Alright simply because he stands out from the others. Maybe it's the way he shrugs his shoulder when he replies a question, or the way he expresses himself in words. It could be the way he responds to the things that you say. Or even the things he does not say. Whatever it is, you feel drawn by his presence. You look forward to every second that you spend with him, even if it is to do the most mundane of things. You find yourself laughing, simply from being in his presence. And you smile foolishly to yourself when you recall the happy times spent with him. You seek his company because you know that every encounter will be as fulfilling as the previous one.
Actions and the conduct of a person often reveals much about a person, even if not all. From his actions, if he is someone you can trust and depend on, it becomes an additional point. If he is someone who treats people with respect, not just the person he is after, but to everyone around him, he becomes that much more attractive. If he has an eye for romance and spontaneity, who can resist?
Another thing I feel is somewhat necessary is the meeting of the minds. Although people do say that opposites attract, personally I prefer to believe that we can only sustain a relationship if both parties hold onto similar values and were raised in similar family backgrounds. True, there are many successful marriages and relationships out there which thrive on the uniqueness and differences between the two parties.. I do not and will never doubt the authenticity of such relationships. But I still stand firm to my ground that for a relationship to work, both parties must believe in the same things. For me, honesty and responsibility are important qualities. I can tolerate other weaknesses but if my significant other ever abuses my trust, I am not sure if things can ever work out from there. So if I ever do find someone, it would probably be someone who hold onto similar values as me.
And even having said all that, these things might not be enough. Because more importantly, the feeling must be mutual. *common sense much* Love.. well, it can only develop with time, can only be proven with time. And one thing I would like to add, there's no point saying I've found THE ONE if he isnt even aware of my feelings or worse still, doesnt appreciate my feelings for him, correct? ;)
So basically this sums up what I feel would make the guy of my dreams stand out from the rest. I have been told that my 'requirements' will probably eliminate 99.99% of the male population, or something like that. (And that would make me a delusional, weird, and demented spinster in my old days.) But maybe that is what makes the special one, special. Because he cannot simply be replaced.
But of course, these thoughts.. it might change with time, it might not.
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