If I See You Next to Never

If I cant focus on memorising the subject of my next paper right now, might as well blog something that struck my mind earlier. Just so you know, I finished one paper today. Phew, one burden off my shoulders! Three more to go!

LDR.

It's strange I have never really dedicated a blog entry for this topic before, considering what a topic it is to me. When you tell people you broke off from a relationship because of distance, you can expect the many ooh's and aah's. Sometimes I wonder if it is from the sympathy or the disbelief that distance can ruin a relationship. Because for me, distance is never factor number one. (For the record, when I mean long-distance, I mean couples that can only see each other at the most, half a year.)

I think many people can agree with me that besides distance, there are many things that can ruin a relationship be it, incompatibility, poor communication between the two parties, infidelity, or it could even be something as straightforward as.. the feelings have gone. Personally, I think these factors are more considerable in breaking a relationship than distance.

Granted, distance is difficult. It is burdensome, expensive and tiring. It also cuts off the core of most relationships, that is intimacy and contact. Sometimes you wonder whether your relationship is actually with the one you once adored or has it transformed into an affair with a virtual person. It is true, the internet has done heaps and bounds to improve the circumstances but it can only do so much. The fact is, having a literal gap in your relationship can really strain it. And whether it has occurred to you yet or not, LDR requires a lot and a lot of effort from both parties, not just one.

But again, I would like to stress that distance should never be the excuse of the demise of a relationship. Never. I would rather blame it on other things than the distance itself, despite it being the most obvious reason. Because the fact is, it isnt the distance that stirred up the resentment and bitterness, but rather the many other little things that we all miss on the daily occasion. It is how you slammed the door after a fight instead of forgiving him/her and making up. It is the countless mindless exchange of words. How you thought it would be okay to reply him/her tomorrow when you saw their message today afternoon. Taking each other for granted, thoughtlessness, disrespect. So common and yet it passes our radar without us even realising how it is capable of ruining a relationship. It can happen to anyone in any kind of relationship, not just one with distance.

Personally, I still think LDR is beautiful, if it lasts. I think if a couple can last even despite the distance, they can face the brunt of many other things in the future. Because it would mean that they have already overcome many obstacles and challenges and still survived from it. It would also mean that from the beginning right to the end, they had set their mind on pulling through and making the relationship work. I guess to start off with, they would have the sensibility and maturity that I did not have back then. The calmness in dealing with quarrels and dissatisfaction was something I never had. They will also need certainty that he/she is the one for them and continue to work their way towards having a good relationship despite only seeing them ever so rarely. And I think for LDR to last, they would probably have learnt to be more considerate of their partner's needs and feelings. I am also a strong believer that distance makes the heart grow fonder, despite being aware of the other evil twin that wanders. We often treasure things when we do not get an abundant supply of it, and by this, if your other half is like on the other side of the globe, they will not always be available and because of this, you will always treasure all the time you have with them, instead of using it to quarrel over unnecessary things.

Even if I am not in a romantic relationship that involves distance right now, I have a handful of friends abroad that I do keep in touch with. I think receiving emails are one of the simplest but loveliest joys in life - emails that tell you about a person's day, what is on their mind, and random things. Whatever the content, it always brightens my life. Whether it is a chore to maintain, i think it ultimately depends on the people involved. Whether both want to keep in touch, the intensity of fondness, and the understanding between the two. Hence, I would say the same goes for LDR. Whether it lasts or not depends on how much the parties want it.

Distance doesnt ruin a relationship, trust me, everything else but distance does. But having said all that, LDR only works if they intend to stay in the same place eventually, and not see LDR as a permanent option!

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