It's not that I dont miss you but rather, it's the fear of how much I am capable of missing you that holds me back from thinking of you altogether. Been busy with my revision for my exams so if I am going to make this the last post of 2012, might as well make it an honest and genuine one.
I no longer count the days of how long since we have talked but I guess it must have been pretty long (for our standards) since the last time we talked briefly was more than one month ago. It's funny how you can still think of a person so persistently when you have no contact with a person at all. Perhaps it is the past memories playing its mischief, maybe it is the hope that one day fate still hopes something for us, maybe it is just the chemistry we had and how well we played it, that is keeping my memory of us alive. But even so, the days together are fast fading. But like I said before, even if they do fade, they will fade with the quality of how antiques are highly-prized. Like how a soiled letter from years ago will always be treasured despite its form.
Sometimes on days when I sit back and actually think about you, I wonder how your life has been, whether you are happy, sometimes contemplating the what-ifs. That day I saw the sports headline stating that Chelsea no longer wants Lampard and I instinctively thought of you. Sometimes I would wonder if you are moving along with your life, and if you are going through the same motions of life as I am.
I have been doing good. Sometimes when I reflect on myself, I realise that I am more of the person I used to be before we were together. More carefree, playful and forgiving. It's not that I blame you for anything but I guess everyone has an effect on the people around them. For me, you were like my rock that I could lean on in times of trouble. Hence, my incredible dependence on you, and subsequently the possessiveness and obsessiveness. You always gave in to me and resorted to many things just to please my whims and fancies. These days, I laugh at the same mistakes you used to do, done by other people, instead of throwing a fit. Sometimes I amuse myself with thinking you annoy me better than they do. And sometimes, just sometimes I wonder if things would have been any different if I had learnt FASTER and EARLIER.
These days I divert myself with the many things in my life. Friends, activities, trips, examinations. I wonder if you are occupied just the same. Most likely. I feel that maybe this time it might be different. That maybe you are really gone for good. But what else can I do but to let you go when I have already clung so tightly for so long?
Bygones shall remain bygones. I know there is nothing we can do about the past because it has already been set in stone. There is also little we can do about the present and the future except relish it.
***
Having said that, I am grateful for every friend that has stepped into my life. Each one giving me a different definition of the word "friends".
I no longer count the days of how long since we have talked but I guess it must have been pretty long (for our standards) since the last time we talked briefly was more than one month ago. It's funny how you can still think of a person so persistently when you have no contact with a person at all. Perhaps it is the past memories playing its mischief, maybe it is the hope that one day fate still hopes something for us, maybe it is just the chemistry we had and how well we played it, that is keeping my memory of us alive. But even so, the days together are fast fading. But like I said before, even if they do fade, they will fade with the quality of how antiques are highly-prized. Like how a soiled letter from years ago will always be treasured despite its form.
Sometimes on days when I sit back and actually think about you, I wonder how your life has been, whether you are happy, sometimes contemplating the what-ifs. That day I saw the sports headline stating that Chelsea no longer wants Lampard and I instinctively thought of you. Sometimes I would wonder if you are moving along with your life, and if you are going through the same motions of life as I am.
I have been doing good. Sometimes when I reflect on myself, I realise that I am more of the person I used to be before we were together. More carefree, playful and forgiving. It's not that I blame you for anything but I guess everyone has an effect on the people around them. For me, you were like my rock that I could lean on in times of trouble. Hence, my incredible dependence on you, and subsequently the possessiveness and obsessiveness. You always gave in to me and resorted to many things just to please my whims and fancies. These days, I laugh at the same mistakes you used to do, done by other people, instead of throwing a fit. Sometimes I amuse myself with thinking you annoy me better than they do. And sometimes, just sometimes I wonder if things would have been any different if I had learnt FASTER and EARLIER.
These days I divert myself with the many things in my life. Friends, activities, trips, examinations. I wonder if you are occupied just the same. Most likely. I feel that maybe this time it might be different. That maybe you are really gone for good. But what else can I do but to let you go when I have already clung so tightly for so long?
Bygones shall remain bygones. I know there is nothing we can do about the past because it has already been set in stone. There is also little we can do about the present and the future except relish it.
***
Having said that, I am grateful for every friend that has stepped into my life. Each one giving me a different definition of the word "friends".
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