Spaghetti Dinner

So yea, I made spaghetti for dinner, AGAIN. It's getting pretty easy for me.. preparing the sauce, mincing the meat, boiling the noodles. It's crazy how something so delicious can be so easy to cook right? I wish I could say the same for Chinese cuisines. But too bad, havent gotten the chance to cook chinese, and besides, chinese food just seems that much more daunting. Probably not the time for me to learn yet.. but soon. One day, when I am pushed into the deep end of the pool, I will eventually learn how to swim. Something like that..

Sauce:

1 can of tomato puree

1 whole garlic, chopped finely

2 big onions, sliced

3/4 carrot, cubed

2 tomatoes, cut

Minced pork

Salt

Sugar

Actually I just cook with anything I have in the kitchen. If I had more carrots at home, I might have put more. Add some oil in the sauce pot, and stir fry the onions, garlic, and carrot. Then quickly add in the minced meat. When it is quite ready, pour in the canned puree and tomatoes. Add in salt and sugar to taste.

Noodles:

Boil a pot of hot water. Add a few drops of olive oil into water. Then, add in spaghetti noodles. Cook until soft and 'expanded.' Pour it out and drain water away. According to my dad, dont rinse the noodles with water after that.

Assemble:

When ready to eat, take as much noodles as you want. Add in the cheese. (Parmesan is the norm, but for my family we just love putting mozarella although mozarella is actually for pizza). Then add in some heated sauce. It's delicious!

Been kinda busy handling two societies at the moment. ALSA will be launching quite a lot of projects in the next few months and me, being the secretary have to prepare all the proposals. And I am setting up a new club for Taekwon-do GTF. So excited!!

But to be honest, when it comes to these things.. it only works when you can get the co-operation of everyone. Sorry to say, not everyone can tolerate a dictator. and I believe, I am kinda one of those type of people. I know what I want to do, and I want people to do things my way, quickly and efficiently. I do realise other people have a life outside ALSA or whatsoever club involved, but when you commit to a post, you should give it your all. Not talking about anyone in particular.. but yea. The past few days have made me realise how powerful it is to be able to influence people and get people to co-operate with you. A process of learning I guess. Fingers crossed, the skills I shall acquire and learn throughout the next few months shall be useful for me in the future. Really, truly blessed to be given the opportunity to face such heavy responsibilities, even if at times, I do complain or whine about how difficult or frustrating it can be.

Books and a Movie

Clearing up my room made me discover a stack of novels I bought years ago but never went round to reading them. I found:

1. Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov

Very deep and intense sexual stuff.

2. The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest

Thriller.

3. A Walk to Remember by Nicholas Sparks

Romance

4. Hitler's Private Library: The Books that shaped his life by Timothy Ryback

well.. Hitler. You know him right? :p

5.The Last Eunuch of China: The Life of Sun Yunting

probably autobiography.

6. Dear John by Nicholas Sparks

the title says it all - romance.

All are books that I have wanted to read at one point or other in my life. With the exception of no. 6 which I have already read before. Started on Lolita and reread Dear John.

This might sound quite disjunct. Watched a movie called One Day. It makes you realise that when a person is that important to you, no matter what you say or do, no matter what he says or do, you still end up popping into their life ever so often. No matter how much you wish you could walk away.. you can't. And even if loving that person will only break your heart, you can do nothing about it but wait. This was a heart-rendering movie to watch with an even sadder ending. Not supposed to cry on CNY, but I did.

Anyway, this is a random post. Counting the days till Carey Island..

First Day of CNY

Sometimes I cant believe how fast time flies. It's chinese new year all over again.

This year, things are slightly different. With no maid around, I chipped in my share of effort to clear the house.. cleaning my room, bathing Metta, and doing all the washing after my baking by myself. Not that I am complaining.. I enjoy doing these things. It gives me a sense of fulfillment and achievement. Feels good to be in my room, which I cleared up myself. and it is now dustfree with minimal stuff in it.

Anyway, didnt managed to make as many goodies as I would have wanted to this year. Maybe if I can squeeze the time but.. . Will be going away for a few days to Carey Island from 29th January to 2nd February for a camp. Looking forward to that.. though it would have been better if it wasnt done during CNY.

Here's the water chestnut jelly I made last night. It's pretty good. Might be doing it again later. :)

And.. this is just 1/10 of my entire family. haha..*it's complicated*

Pineapple tarts and a jumble of everything else

Do they look good or good? haha just joking. Totally exhausted from the past two days. Kept myself so busy that i might just collapse any moment. But I choose to see that being busy is better than not doing anything at all.

Was sad with my first attempt of baking cornflakes cookies after such a long period of not baking. *It was a failure!* Thankfully, the pineapple tarts decided not to walk along the same fate and on the contrary, turned out to be one of the most beautiful batches i have ever made.

Bought lots of new clothes today. And a book.

Have decided on my internal elective for the coming semester. I know it might be weird to take Islamic Banking law instead of the other conventional courses like insurance law, medical law or even intellectual property.. but i came to this decision after consulting my dad. He seems to think, and i concur, that islamic banking has a good prospect in the future. And even Singapore is looking at it as a potential field in future. So I will probably be taking that, provided i managed to get that course when registering my courses.

CNY is just a day or more away. A lot has happened. Sometimes things happen so quickly that you dont really have the time to sit down and think things through before making a decision or realising what you have done. But I guess that's life. We make mistakes, we get hurt from making those mistakes, and we learn to pick ourselves back up again.

Goodbye

No, not to Metta. He's improving with leaps and bounds.

But this goodbye is still, nevertheless, dedicated to someone out there. Someone who knows a lot about me, whom has seen the best and worst of me over the past five years, and have still stuck with me. But perhaps, every relationship has to run it's course, and this one too, shall I need to bid farewell.

It's sad that you can just walk away like that. I'm sorry I had to make you choose - to leave or to stay. I knew you would choose to leave. But even then, it isnt entirely easy for me to accept it.

My heart today, is stronger than it ever was. Tonight, I can take it. I shed my tears, but I will not weep. The past few months have built me to be a stronger person. I no longer need you to be by my side, no longer need you when I am sad or angry, nor do I tell you when I am very happy. The thought pops in my head to call you so very often, but the urge isnt as strong as it used to be. I guess slowly, I am weaning myself off you. And I step back to realise that after all these months, though I messed-up in the past, I have done all I could to make up for things. And if it isnt enough, I have no one to blame. No one, even me nor you. But that doesnt mean my heart is invincible. I will still cry, I will continue to feel jealous each time I see a picture of you with another girl, I will still feel anger if i feel cheated of my feelings - just like you. But with time, hopefully, my strength will grow. And with time, everything will eventually heal.

Guess I wouldnt be getting any more Skype calls from you anymore, nor will I hear from you. I am afraid of what the future holds, without you in it with me, because the only future I have ever envisioned was the one with you, and Thomas and Alyssa. A part of me is still unwilling to let this all go. But most of me believe that this is for the better. I cannot continue to allow myself to get hurt time and time again. No matter what you say, no matter what your excuse is, the only excuse I will believe is that your feelings for me has changed, and that isnt as much as it used to be. Because the guy that promised me that he would marry me in 10 years time at the age of 16, the guy that ensured me after every fight, the guy who resisted his parents' objections to be with me, the guy who asked me whether I would wait for him, the guy that wrote me all those long messages, and called me to settle our quarrels through the night, would NEVER have imagined that our relationship would end because of long-distance. So dont lie to me and dont lie to yourself!!!

It's already been dragging on for almost a year. I can always wait for the one I love, but if he cannot show the same, it often makes the most sane of person wonder if it is worthwhile.

Just like how I will always be special to you, you will always be special to me. But maybe, this is the end of our story. I do not wish it to be, but you leave me no choice.

Adieu mon amour.

Metta with more Health Probs

Metta has been recovering well. Havent seen the sight of bloody stools for a few days now, nor vomit. His appetite is as good as ever, and he is still the happy boy he normally is.

Still.. since what happened on the evening of the 15th is not something that will be depleted from my mind so easily. Have been closely monitoring him over the past few days, more closely than ever. And when I saw what he urinated out this morning, I really dont know what to think.

His urine isnt the normal urine colour but rather, a mixture of urine and blood (or so, I imagine). Normal urine is transparent and if you dont take enough water, it can go to the extent of concentrated yellow. But NOT brown!!! I called the vet and she says that she will need samples of his urine. But my exam is tomorrow and I havent been progressing much in my revision. Probably will have to put Metta on hold for one more day before I send in that urine sample, but it doesnt keep me from worrying. Why is everything happening all of a sudden? Is it really such a pure coincidence. Although Metta looks happy, I know it's because he always tries to put a smile on his face. I will never really know whether he is in pain until one day, when the pain is extremely intolerable for Metta to bear.. and I am afraid by then, it would be too late.

Perhaps, I am overthinking things, and I really should just focus on my PIL and think about this only when PIL is over. But the image of him lying almost dead on the floor, being unable to move or even lift his head.. it isnt something any pet owner would want to see happen to their dog.

I will just end this post here. Hopefully, Metta will be alright.

CNY soon

Okay totally inappropriate post right now since I still have two more papers to sit and havent started on either yet! But I guess I am taking the time off this evening because I have been studying really so hard for the past week. I mean it, I studied harder than the past two semesters, no not really for the results.. I guess it's more of a self-satisfaction thing. And oh ya, if I dont get 3.5 this time, it will be another round of consultation with my "second parents".

Anyways, I really cant wait till exams will be over. Lots of things lined up.. meetings, events, CNY! I am planning to bake cookies and cakes for guests who visit my house since my grandmother wouldnt be making her specialty prawn crackers anymore. Current list (subject to changes):

1. Pineapple tarts? *my favourite

2. Chocolate chip cookies?

3. Cornflake cookies *Popular favourite, so will be a must

4. Moist chocolate cake

5. Butter cake

6. Fresh cream cake, maybe just for my family?

hmmm getting very excited on the prospect of baking! Till then.

A brief post from me. Typing it on my mom's laptop. Still not able to figure out what is wrong with my lappie but I now suspect the router or whtever it is called that is in my lappie has failed me. Probably will need to send it for repair after the exam but oh no... it will be CNY!!! So for now, I will have to settle with my mom's laptop.

Sometimes, I wonder if i am a drama queen. If i tend to exagerate things too much? Or maybe I am more fragile and sensitive compared to other people. Or is everyone the same? Just that they never speak it out loud? I'm still work in progress after all..

I never really needed friends most of my life. At the very most, just my bestfriend turned boyfriend in sec school last time. But these days, I am beginning to understand the meaning of friends. Just the beginning.. They cant always be there for you when you are down, but they can keep your mind away from the issue if you have to.

Different friends, different ways of helping me deal with things. But I think he's still the best listener anyway, always. #66

Jealousy

If you love someone, you would want them to be happy, aint that right?

Then how does jealousy come into the equation when you see the one you love being happy with someone else, ESPECIALLY if that person is of the same gender as you?

I never really thought about it, but i finally gave it some thought.

Is it possible that jealousy is when you wish YOU could be the one sharing and giving happiness to the one you love?

Food for thought.

Acceptance

Was scrolling through my FB wall when I came across a post of one of my primary school friend.

I wont say that what she said is the entire truth. I guess it was that guy's comment that made the entire post altogether touching.

Because when someone loves you with all their heart, sometimes even that is not enough to make things work. Sometimes, the mistakes of the past come haunting you back, maybe you arent able to forgive, maybe everything that has brought it to what it is today is keeping you back from giving her that one more chance. Or it might even be that things have changed. That you dont love her, or that you feel the circumstances arent right. You might be afraid to mess things up this one more time and rather not have a chance right now.

And she probably understands that, whatever the reason is. She cant promise to wait for you, because you cant promise her the same. And even if both mutually agree to wait for the other, what is there to guarantee everything will eventually fall into place? She very well understands, perhaps it is just her heart that hasnt come to terms with all this yet. But she will, gradually. Just like how her heart couldnt take all the let-downs, excuses, everything that she had to face post break-up.

You and her may have been very much in love with each other at one point. And it might seem like no one else in the world could ever replace him in her eyes. That might or might not be the case. She can not tell for sure for she does not have the power to look into the future. But what she can be sure is that, he will always have a special place in her heart just like how she will always have a special place in his heart. And perhaps, one day if the time and circumstances are right, and they happen to meet each other again and fall in love all over, then it would mean that their love was meant to be. And even if it wasnt meant to be, she will always look back on the memories that she had treasured so many years ago, and be grateful that she had at least had the opportunity to know how it feels to love in this life.