Dont get me wrong. I have nothing against lovey-dovey couples, nothing against marriage vows and no, I have never been cheated on before (or at least, from what I know).
But the topic of faithfulness has been roaring in my head for some time. I have never really seen anyone outright cheat their significant other before (goes to show how pure and blessed my life is). But these things never go without wondering. Only one year ago, I talked about how infidelity can ruin a marriage, or rather the ugleh-ness of cheating.
BUT, I never thought that.. perhaps being faithful to one partner throughout your life can be as difficult as opting to only eat rice and nothing but rice as your staple from the time you are born till your last breath. Think of it!
Everyone wants a faithful partner. Well, anyone who is in a stable, happy relationship would. Who wants to share their good stuff with someone else, anyway?! Yet, not every one can stick to their side of the bargain when things are tough. Intentions asides, how do you draw the line between being "just friends" or cheating on your partner? Going out for a drink with a friend is normal, but what if you think that girl/guy is hot? Can that be considered a semi-date? How about offering a girl a ride back home? Any gentleman would do that.. (and I am sure any girl would appreciate it), but what if you are already married?
I think it goes back to the expectations of the parties involved in that relationship. Every relationship is different, just like how every family has different traditions and behaviors. My mom might be okay with me not cleaning my room but somewhere else in this world, some other girl may be nagged, scolded, punished even, if her room is left to collect dust even for a day! Likewise, in relationships, it is important to make sure that everyone involved enters into the circle with their eyes wide open. If everyone consents and is happy, so be it. Doesnt really matter whether a relationship is for two or three (or even more.)
Going back to the topic of fidelity, I used to think that it is very important that my husband-to-be must be faithful to me. If I ever caught him having an affair, I would divorce him. After all, what is there left to work on if he didnt treasure me enough to abstain from flirting with other girls and whatnot. I asked my mom that question.. and was very surprised to hear her response. She told me that she would still remain in the marriage. As long as he still cares for her, as long as he still maintains the family, as long as he loves the kids, what more can we expect? I really couldnt accept her reasoning at that point of time. Faithfulness was THAT important to me back then. But looking back now, my views have somewhat changed. No, not to the extent that I would let any guy I date or marry to hang out with any girl as they wish or send flirty texts to them behind my back. I still hold onto my principle that a relationship should be monogamous and nothing else. Why else should it be called a relationship then?
But IFFFF... if, your significant other ever cheats on you, maybe it is a wake-up call. To realise what has been going wrong in the marriage or relationship. There will always be problems, issues and dilemmas in this world. Infidelity is just ONE of those many, many problems.
Humans might be programmed to be greedy and selfish. But even so, people in happy relationships almost never think of hurting their other half by doing things behind their back. I am aware there is a minority who are programmed cheaters but let's just leave them out of this discussion. (My principle is to treat playboys as friends and nothing else but friends. That way, it saves you from lots of disappointment and heartbreak). Anyways, going back to what I was saying.. There is probably a loophole in your relationship if you or your other half is seeking for company other than each other. For me, a relationship is a healthy and good one if both parties can enjoy each other's company, and there is openness, respect, and honesty in the way they behave to each other. If all that is absent in a relationship, it is nothing but a recipe for disaster. You start to seek friends instead of your partner for company, when you feel down you withdraw in your shell instead of sharing your thoughts with your partner (who btw should be your best friend). You start hanging out with your single guy/girl friends discussing how hot that chic or dude is. And when you finally meet someone you think you can connect with, you let things gradually take it's course. And if things continue to not improve with your other half, you start to seek the company and warmth of a fresh new relationship with your new found "friend". He/she seems to know how you feel. Your gf/bf is such an ass - he/she keeps bugging you the whole day. And the more you withdraw from your relationship, the more you get drawn into this new friendship.
I just want to say.. relationships are precious. Dont take the people around you for granted. At one point of time, this was once the most important person in your life. And if you choose to forego this for something fresh and new, it is your choice. It might be a good choice but it may equally be an unwise decision as well. Because everything that is new is almost always good. Only the test of time can reveal many other things about a person.
I dont think infidelity is the main issue in a relationship, seriously. Anyone is prone to cheat on their partner. But what matters more is how you act responsibly for your actions. If you did something, own up to it. Dont prolong things and end up hurting EVERYONE involved by abusing their trust. I think that is the one thing worse than cheating itself. #justsaying
But the topic of faithfulness has been roaring in my head for some time. I have never really seen anyone outright cheat their significant other before (goes to show how pure and blessed my life is). But these things never go without wondering. Only one year ago, I talked about how infidelity can ruin a marriage, or rather the ugleh-ness of cheating.
BUT, I never thought that.. perhaps being faithful to one partner throughout your life can be as difficult as opting to only eat rice and nothing but rice as your staple from the time you are born till your last breath. Think of it!
Everyone wants a faithful partner. Well, anyone who is in a stable, happy relationship would. Who wants to share their good stuff with someone else, anyway?! Yet, not every one can stick to their side of the bargain when things are tough. Intentions asides, how do you draw the line between being "just friends" or cheating on your partner? Going out for a drink with a friend is normal, but what if you think that girl/guy is hot? Can that be considered a semi-date? How about offering a girl a ride back home? Any gentleman would do that.. (and I am sure any girl would appreciate it), but what if you are already married?
I think it goes back to the expectations of the parties involved in that relationship. Every relationship is different, just like how every family has different traditions and behaviors. My mom might be okay with me not cleaning my room but somewhere else in this world, some other girl may be nagged, scolded, punished even, if her room is left to collect dust even for a day! Likewise, in relationships, it is important to make sure that everyone involved enters into the circle with their eyes wide open. If everyone consents and is happy, so be it. Doesnt really matter whether a relationship is for two or three (or even more.)
Going back to the topic of fidelity, I used to think that it is very important that my husband-to-be must be faithful to me. If I ever caught him having an affair, I would divorce him. After all, what is there left to work on if he didnt treasure me enough to abstain from flirting with other girls and whatnot. I asked my mom that question.. and was very surprised to hear her response. She told me that she would still remain in the marriage. As long as he still cares for her, as long as he still maintains the family, as long as he loves the kids, what more can we expect? I really couldnt accept her reasoning at that point of time. Faithfulness was THAT important to me back then. But looking back now, my views have somewhat changed. No, not to the extent that I would let any guy I date or marry to hang out with any girl as they wish or send flirty texts to them behind my back. I still hold onto my principle that a relationship should be monogamous and nothing else. Why else should it be called a relationship then?
But IFFFF... if, your significant other ever cheats on you, maybe it is a wake-up call. To realise what has been going wrong in the marriage or relationship. There will always be problems, issues and dilemmas in this world. Infidelity is just ONE of those many, many problems.
Humans might be programmed to be greedy and selfish. But even so, people in happy relationships almost never think of hurting their other half by doing things behind their back. I am aware there is a minority who are programmed cheaters but let's just leave them out of this discussion. (My principle is to treat playboys as friends and nothing else but friends. That way, it saves you from lots of disappointment and heartbreak). Anyways, going back to what I was saying.. There is probably a loophole in your relationship if you or your other half is seeking for company other than each other. For me, a relationship is a healthy and good one if both parties can enjoy each other's company, and there is openness, respect, and honesty in the way they behave to each other. If all that is absent in a relationship, it is nothing but a recipe for disaster. You start to seek friends instead of your partner for company, when you feel down you withdraw in your shell instead of sharing your thoughts with your partner (who btw should be your best friend). You start hanging out with your single guy/girl friends discussing how hot that chic or dude is. And when you finally meet someone you think you can connect with, you let things gradually take it's course. And if things continue to not improve with your other half, you start to seek the company and warmth of a fresh new relationship with your new found "friend". He/she seems to know how you feel. Your gf/bf is such an ass - he/she keeps bugging you the whole day. And the more you withdraw from your relationship, the more you get drawn into this new friendship.
I just want to say.. relationships are precious. Dont take the people around you for granted. At one point of time, this was once the most important person in your life. And if you choose to forego this for something fresh and new, it is your choice. It might be a good choice but it may equally be an unwise decision as well. Because everything that is new is almost always good. Only the test of time can reveal many other things about a person.
I dont think infidelity is the main issue in a relationship, seriously. Anyone is prone to cheat on their partner. But what matters more is how you act responsibly for your actions. If you did something, own up to it. Dont prolong things and end up hurting EVERYONE involved by abusing their trust. I think that is the one thing worse than cheating itself. #justsaying
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